Men Are Key To Ending The Violence in Households And Communities In Uganda

What Situka Alliance Initiative (SAI) anticipates is a Uganda, where it is possible to provide opportunities for self-esteem and dignity affirmation (SEDA) to thrive.  These opportunities include turning men into agents of good and respectful living. In this short article we also present to you what constitutes the perceptions we identify as negative and those we feel are positive. 

We go on to show the consequences of these negative and the positive perceptions to the relationships between men and women. We want to emphasise common conversations around which individuals can promote self-esteem, dignity affirmation and societies which are violent free.

We shall work with various institutions, i.e., government, NGOs, Civil Society, and Private sector, the domestic workforce, local health systems and other service point. We are targeting men to constitute the primary vehicles and bulk initiators or change agents through whom our health and development programmes and services will be managed and delivered. 

To gain optimal coverage, we intend to use “Good Men Projects” to achieve high and appropriate coverage on a range of quality, life-saving initiatives, development and care services and interventions.

There are assumptions made and taken to be Gospel truth. They are normed by cultures and are claimed to be historical or even generational. One such is the perception that men do better than women. This is a prejudice that needs to be unpacked. 

What constitutes these prejudices or perceptions?

Men have been positioned by history and in many cultures to be the go-to persons when it comes to problem-posing/solving aspects, they are the de facto leaders, providers and assumed benevolent, chivalrous benefactors. Somehow we have not analysed this perception nor have we questioned nor held them to a higher standard. Men, have taken their gender, sex and masculinity for granted too. They have turned into forceful patronising individuals who see themselves as all round provider, blameless and whose judgement is not questioned. This needs scrutiny. 

But how did this arise and what are some of the consequences of this self-assumed role?

A Harvard study into “Why Employers Favour Men”, by Coffman (2017) points out that taste-bias, in-group and out-group biases inform the decisions to extend welcoming open hands to people different from us. See: https://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/why-employers-favor-men. Women are discriminated against in being part of decision-making spaces or hiring decisions. They are much less likely to get hired for jobs than men, even when the candidates have the exact same qualifications. This is based on taste and it is called Taste-bias.  Employers who are males, favour men not because they are prejudiced against women, but because they have the perception that men perform better on average at certain tasks. In order to reverse this need to train recruiters or anyone in leadership positions to be aware of their biases and work around them because they are rooted in mythical or unfounded beliefs about average gender differences in abilities or skills. Beliefs and peer pressure inform the decisions rather than rigorous and tested experiences.  This same study, pointed out that researchers also found evidence of “in-group” favouritism and “out-group” bias, meaning that people were more willing to work with a member with whom they share background, kinship, likes or experiences, shared gender or birth month. Men have historically enjoyed positions of power, which means many of them hold influential positions. They need to be trained in accepting the fact that women are humans who deserve the same satisfaction like males.

So, what are some of the consequences of not holding men to high scrutiny?

Some of the consequences manifest themselves in the way society provides grooming for children many of whom end up not being prepared emotionally and intellectually for the right questions of life. Children are trained to be independent and shown necessary skills to face up life stoically by making independent decisions. But, in fact they are not equipped with necessary skills because their own parents were not the best role models. By proxy this falls squarely on the shoulders of men. Bullying one’s way through life, aggression and pretending not to hurt have been proxies to ill-preparation for a quality and thriving life for males/boys. Submission, not complaining or not being a cry-baby on the other hand have been the maxims prescribed to females/girls.

Aggression in males is celebrated by many cultures and so is submission in females. But, this means that humans have not tapped into the good nature of humanity at all. This gives a distorted perspective of life.  Instead of a mutually uplifting self-esteem and dignity affirmation (SEDA) in their place are demeaning attitudes.   The ingredients that make up the prescriptions for the way we groom or are groomed end up making males/boys face discomfort or challenges rarely with calculated stoic but with depression. For females/girls, this is the same outcome. Depression manifests as: negativity, indifference, disrespect, resentment, anger and being distant. This is, sadly, celebrated in many societies yet it affects the mental health of many people see: Justin Bieber opens up about fame, drug use and depression,” at https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-49562637.

In studies that strive to be affirmatively inclusive and respectful of diversity, some new approaches have been devised.  Self-esteem promotion, dignity affirmation, autonomy upholding and agency recognition are now put at the forefront. To encourage women to access opportunities, communities have to be thoughtful about how they make room for them too. It is advisable to involve women in planning how well they can participate in making spaces inclusive. “Roles with endless lists of requirements, nice-to-haves, and strict seniority demands can deter women from participating, can get them demotivated and may take this to be a competition to either be on the in or out end of the game. It is better to focus on what are the performance objectives of the role and what the person will be expected to accomplish. This approach will gives room to participate in activities that build communally owned thriving spaces.  It makes it easier to attract people with a non-traditional skill sets and experiences. For more on ways to make women positive participants: https://business.linkedin.com/talent-solutions/blog/diversity/2019/how-women-find-jobs-gender-report.

The negative consequences lack of self-esteem and dignity affirmation is manifested as communication gaps among spouses. The other outcome is domestic violence, child neglect, lack of opportunities to grow and thrive. It is not surprising that couples may become vulnerable to life style diseases, divorce, anger, aggression, stereotypes and prejudice and sexual abuse. On the other hand positive consequences occur, once men, women and children have allowed opportunities for self-esteem and dignity affirmation to thrive.  Societies will celebrate healthy life styles among individuals and families. They will be resourceful in problem solving, navigate life positively, engage in positive decision making, promotion of human rights through tolerance, love, mutual respect, quality life, well-being and upliftment.

A report from Uganda Women’s Network (UWONET), says that people need to start writing wills such that when they die their girl children and wives will not have to suffer the wrath of property grabbing from their relatives. Shouting at, beating, or demeaning their status is unacceptable. Instead, everyone should be fighting for women’s rights and freedom and empowerment and treating women with dignity. Women are not sex objects for promoting tourism.

Statistics to Mull Over:

According to the Uganda Demographic and Health Survey (UDHS) of 2011, 56% of women from age 15 to 29 years have experienced physical violence and 28 percent of women have experienced sexual violence in their lifetime. What this means is that more than half of Ugandan women have been abused at home, at school, or at work. Sexual violence, especially against girls, is wide spread with 77.7% of the primary school children and 82% of the secondary school students experiencing sexual abuse while at school. The attacks differ: 8% of girls are subjected to defilement, 24% are spoken to in a sexual way, 18% receive marriage proposals, and 25% are fondled/touched in a sexual manner while 29% are made to watch sexual scenes (pornography). Of the female students sampled, 67% of reported to have been sexually abused by a male teacher. According to UN Women, lifetime Physical and/or Sexual Intimate Partner Violence is reported by 50 % of women. Child Marriage occurred in 40% of reported cases.

For more see:

https://www.independent.co.ug/shocking-facts-about-violence-against-women/

http://evaw-global-database.unwomen.org/fr/countries/africa/uganda

https://www.un.org/africarenewal/news/uganda-violence-against-women-unabated-despite-laws-and-policies

Conclusion:

We chose to work with men because, we believe they can be effective change agents promoting and upholding self-esteem, dignity affirmation and child protection. Men have historically been given leadership roles and it has been assumed they can take up the responsibilities inherent in these roles. Yet, this is not the case. Men, need to be supported as they take up transformative leadership roles. When men are supported they shall be able to navigate leadership roles with informed reason, rather than with aggression and abusive nature. Situations in which men, women and children are supported to pursue quality life, enjoy happiness and work together in a non-discriminatory atmosphere has many advantages. They achieve workplace and relational goals far easier, effectively and this promotes mutual equality for all.

                

In these two pictures, we note that an environment that nurtures laws, policies and statutes against domestic violence is necessary to enforce punitive measures or deterrents against abuses. Source: Google Creative Commons. 

Calling violent acts by the weapons used is one way naming will help identify and assess damages. Naming gives opportunities for victims to report the events and seek restitution. Source: Google Creative Commons.

There are various "reasons"men or women give for being punitive toward each other. But, these are just flimsy excuses to be aggressive, display power and posture in households or communities. Source: Google Creative Commons. 

There are various "reasons"men or women give for being punitive toward each other. But, these are just flimsy excuses to be aggressive, display power and posture in households or communities. Source: Google Creative Commons. 

Turning to counselling, guidance, law or mediation during or after misunderstandings is something we intend to promote during our outreach exercises. Couples which engage in training sessions on tolerance, marriage counselling and relationship building navigate life's challenges with confidence and a goal of not hurting each other. Source: Google Creative Commons.

Communicating displeasure or differences with a goal of problem-posing/solving is a skills couples need to learn. Talking problems through provides opportunities for couples to continue learning each other and bonding positively. Source: Google Creative Commons. 

Fights are a crime in Uganda. Fights involve blows which turn out to lead to death. Death of one or both parents deprives children of parents to look up to. Children who grow up orphaned need to be cared for but our communities may end up neglecting them. This has many negative consequences to the children. Source: Google Creative Commons.

Children need the protection by law, policies and local statute. This is on top of the natural laws of love and expected nurturing responsibilities. This in turn provides them opportunities to grow and achieve all development milestones. Source: Google Creative Commons.

Men or women give examples to children. Older generations which avoid violence or violent acts, pursue tolerant acts and engender dialogue sessions to navigate challenges show amicable examples to children. These children are more likely to pass these on to their own children. Source: SAI 2019.